"When things are shaky and nothing is working, we might realize that we are on the verge of something. We might realize that this is a very vulnerable and tender place, and that tenderness can go either way. We can shut down and feel resentful or we can touch in on that throbbing quality.” ― Pema Chödrön
Grief and loss find us in so many ways. The loss of a loved one, a marriage, a dream, physical capabilities, abuse, and illness are just a few. I have seen this time and time again both in my office and in my life personally. Those moments that take our breathe away. The times when we find ourselves grasping frantically at whatever we can use to steady us, fix it or running from feeling anything because it just feels too overwhelmingly painful. Pain can be so uncomfortable, heavy and scary. We're not sure when it will end, we desperately want to "fix it", or ourselves and make it go away. If I just figured this out, or did that, or was that I wouldn't have to feel this way. I should or shouldn't feel _{fill in the blank} .
The gentle whispered reminder is this. Your heart is working. It is meant to grieve and grieving is not something we can or need to fix. WE CAN'T FIX IT. We actually have to feel our way through it. Even if the loss seems so utterly wrong.
It comes like waves at first close together making it hard to breathe then the waves get further and further apart until the waters are calmer. There's nothing you magically did to calm the waters , they just became calm when it was time. Allowing ourselves to comfort, acknowledge and sit with pain is a powerful thing. A brave thing really. As we tune into our heart it softens us, I call it that "raw" feeling place. As we not only acknowledge our heart, but attend to it gently, carefully and with an intention to listen to ourselves there is an unfolding, organic healing that takes place. We arrive to a place we could not have gone by striving, shaming, fixing or ignoring. Often times the process of how we engage our pain is the change or instrument of healing we've needed all along.
It is such a fight sometimes to keep our hearts alive, and open. Finding hope is a vulnerable, healing and courageous pursuit. May we all be brave.